I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just threw up on my dentist
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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