i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
