i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
