i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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