sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
