Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
