Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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