you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
