my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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