Little spoons don't ask big questions
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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