so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
