He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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