you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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