Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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