I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
