Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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