my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
