Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
