He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
