Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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