highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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