My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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