you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
