My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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