Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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