How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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