Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
