Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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