my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
