he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
