I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
