There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
