Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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