The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
