I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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