I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
