I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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