My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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