Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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