i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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