DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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