We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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