hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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