Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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