bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize