go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
