I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
