It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize