1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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