Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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