if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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