Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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