jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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