marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
