yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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