Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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