omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize