Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
