I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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