bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Randomize
