ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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