I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
