I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
