Kiss
Puke
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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