There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
sarcasm needs its own font
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
