I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
