Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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