He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
