I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
dude. I can hear the air.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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