I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
