the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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