I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
