she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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