i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
