We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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