Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
